March 27, 2018 by Administrator

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Hey there dfree® Family,

Welcome back to Tamika Talks! my monthly check-in where you’ll get my thoughts on free and full living, of course from a dfree® perspective!

Happy International Women’s Month!!! Prayerfully, all my girls, women, and superwomen are feeling just that…SUPER! And to the boys, men, and superheroes that love us, THANK YOU for the extra shot of love, admiration, and respect you’ve shown this month! None of it goes unnoticed.

Given this momentous occasion and the work that I do, I was prepared to talk about bills, being a boss, and Beyoncé tickets (I mean, could we be any more tempted to blow the bank for the Queen?!?). But, Jesus stepped in and pointed out a few areas that might just help to enhance our superpowers this year and beyond – Self Love and Leading with Integrity!

On Self Love… As women, we tend to love and love hard. However, in our efforts to love “hard” two things tend to show up:

1. We fail in self-love; and

2. We tend to set a higher standard for the love of other women, especially in our friend circles, business relationships, and leadership roles.

Though listed separately, these are two sides of the same coin.

Second only to your love of God, you are commanded to ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Mark 12:31). This means that your standard for loving others is determined by the way you love yourself.

How many of us are overly self-critical? Continuously judging our thoughts, actions, and reactions? Always on the hamster wheel of perfectionism? As awesome as we are, in so many ways, we deal ourselves a constant hand of “not enough.”

If this is how we treat ourselves, it’s no wonder that we “mean girl” our “girlfriends” and side-eye our sisters. If we are failing to love ourselves properly, and I don’t mean simply showering ourselves with “stuff,” we are setting off a chain of unwarranted tough love that doesn’t serve anyone well.

Tough love says, “Figure it out,” when we should be lending a hand. It says,

“I’ll give you my opinion, but whatever you do is on you – sink or swim. If you make it, I’ll cheer; if you flop, I told you so.”

Whereas, LOVE (with a dose of teachable toughness) says,

“I want what’s best for you, but I trust you to make your own decisions. And whatever way things turn out, I’ll have a parachute on standby – prayer, tissues, a comfy couch, buffalo wings, a walk in the park, a new journal…whatever!”

We must learn to be more kind to ourselves and more kind to our sisters, out of care, covering, concern but most importantly LOVE!

On Leading with Integrity…

Integrity is:

1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness; and

2. the state of being whole and undivided.

As such, I would say that leading with integrity begins with an honest assessment to develop full knowledge and complete understanding of yourself.

There can be no “holes” in who you are if you are going to lead effectively.

But, that does not mean there aren’t patched spaces. In fact, the patches represent the critical work you’ve done (or are doing) to repair the bumps, bruises, injuries, and snares that life has inflicted upon you. That means tending to the physical, spiritual, emotional, relational, and financial parts of you so that you show up in the world whole and complete.

This isn’t perfection…this is the life-long process of PERFECTING…gaining awareness, acting, and doing so, repeatedly.

As you are continually perfecting yourself, your view of the world, circumstances, and situations becomes clearer. The veils that color your vision and the fog that clouds your eyes begin to fade and you are open to the brightest of all choices and outcomes.
With honesty of self and honest assessment of situations your superpowers will be enhanced, tremendously! You will make decisions effectively, exude true leadership, and earn the trust and respect of not only the ones you love, but of your subordinates, colleagues, fellow leaders, and peers.

We’ve all seen the memes…


But as we close out this International Women’s Month, I challenge you to live them. Love yourself. Check your inner mean girl. Embrace and advocate for the causes that affect all women. And lead with the light of integrity.

Big hugs and best wishes,

TS @TheFreeBlackGirl (IG) @OGFreeBlackGirl (Twitter)

Stay tuned. Stay connected.

IG is my favorite digital destination! Check us out on

@mydfree @dbsoaries @thefreeblackgirl

P.S. A little bonus reading…

• Bills will be what they are. And they most certainly are not to be confused with debts. Debts are those items that carry interest and/or a finite time for repayment, and thus should be obliterated and/or managed with extreme smarts. Of course, you can visit to get that entire part of your life in order.

P. P. S.

• Being a boss is all the rage these days, and there are plenty of blogs, Instagram accounts, and articles to keep you bossed up. But, stay tuned to @mydfree on all social media accounts as we shift into entrepreneurship as a focus area later this season!

P. P. P. S.

• Beyoncé is one of the most prolific, top earning, longstanding superstars we’ve seen since the greats of yore – MJ, Prince, and _______. (Finish the list with your faves!) While I love her dearly (and scored tix to #OTRII for a steal), I’m not quite convinced that Independent Women, Single Ladies, or Formation are enough to sustain us and our power for the long term. Great girl power soundtrack features, though!

So, stay focused on your goals – life, financial, and otherwise. Stay connected to Jesus. And dance like no one’s watching when necessary!

Thanks for reading! See you next month!

Tamika Talk-Back… How did you celebrate International Women’s Month? What do you think of #TamikaTalks. Email your comments to! I’d love to hear from you!